2 days. 4 days left.

so this is how it feels, right? i mean, the real compromise, the real thing. that fuckin' feeling that make us cry while we're smiling, and smile while we're crying. i thought once that i would never ever felt like this again, because something were really broken here inside. but now i do feel it everything again and don't know what to do about.
(22th)
sometimes i just wonder. i just can't believe that i'm gonna get quiet and just see things goin', and goin', and goin'... i can't believe that things may be so easy to break apart, y'know? i just can't understand how this fuckin' shit works. 'cause i'm a bit tired of being just planning. i'm a bit tired of being imaginating, tired of listening and just think how wonderful WOULD be. i can't say that i see the same porpouse i always saw. i can't say that i want the way i always wanted. i can't say anything, 'cause i'm tired but i can't let it go. i keep wondering if the same thoughts pass by someone elses mind. i keep ondering how far we'll go. i keep wondering how far I'll go. i just... i just... I JUST GO MAD! i feel so useless, i feel so... i feel like i want just to don't feel anything.
i can't, i just can't get part of this. it's getting hard. it's getting exausting. it's getting weird.
but... i swear... all i wanted was you around listening, enjoing to the moment. all i wanted was that you just understand how things should work, but now i see how hard it is. i won't lie, i still wish we dancing along with the melody and i don't want to let this wish just fade away, but for first, i can't forget of holding your hand. don't run, don't go away. you know i can't breathe as well, but i would follow your steps in a heartbeat, until i can't take anymore.